I made a huge mistake again.
Back 3 years ago, I sent him a msg, saying, my mother got cancer, but there was no reply, no consolation.
That moment I felt as if falling into the abyss.
I did the same thing, or something even worse to the one I love.
If God does not forgive me, I will not feel his arbitory unjustified.
Emotional moments blind our logic, which is able to cause irrecoverable misery to people's life.
I was controled by a sort of tragically emotional moment for a long time. It was a fear of losing, a fear of betraying.
But just like graping sand, the tighter you grisp it, the more and faster it flow away.
The fear of losing his love, coming from the fact that I have lost similar thing before, became my obstacle to see the simple reasoning.
But, though at great cost, his attemption to leave strikes me awake, and pushes me out of the trap.
I might have lost him; though he rendered me one more chance, I am not sure if he may truely accept such me, full of flaws, again
But if he does, I am here to change for both of us, I determine to protect him from any kind of pain as much as possible- if one cannot stop oneself from hurting their beloved ones, what else he or she can ever acheive? why he or she deserves any love?